My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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