So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Pooping to opera.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
