Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize