went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
