first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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