So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
