i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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