worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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