Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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