if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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