what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
