I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
