sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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