i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
