Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
