You're my little dorito
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
