But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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