But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize