Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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