Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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