I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
