Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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