remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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