dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
