My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
