Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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