just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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