he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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