he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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