Tell her she can't have a vagina
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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