Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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