Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
