So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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