your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
