Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
