They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
