dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize