I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
