I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
