Can i not drive my cunt home
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
