That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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