i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i need some magic done to my vagina
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
