she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
