Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
