As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
