marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
