i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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