WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
