guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
