i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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