why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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