no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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