On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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