STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize