1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
