did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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