Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
