I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
