Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize