We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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