You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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