Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
