have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
