Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
