I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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