I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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