HIV tests are more positive than that guy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
