She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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