why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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