I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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