just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
