There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
