During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
